i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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