Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Randomize
