Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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