I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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