He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
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