If that was your dad, he is hot
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
