I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize