Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
