So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
