I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
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