ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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