its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
