Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
she told me i tasted like america
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize