I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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