I accidentally burped into my bong.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
