What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
