guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
