u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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