how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
