Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
