So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
