check it out our google latitudes are spooning
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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