If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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