Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
i drank out of a bidet.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
