my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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