Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
