Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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