Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I would fuck him just for his dog
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