Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
