VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
