There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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