I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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