Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
