have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
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he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
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I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
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