Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
