Pappa wants mamma naked
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I'm too high and old for this...
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