Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
smell my finger.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
