Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
