in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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