Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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