Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
She bit a glass in half.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
