Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
