As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
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Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
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She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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