Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
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... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
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I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
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