I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Bring me that man meat
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
