That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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