was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Randomize