So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
