remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
