yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
