I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
