my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
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Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
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We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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