I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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