so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
