Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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