i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
