Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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