Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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