No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
