Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
