Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
