Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
