he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
